ok so this sounds weired but I dont  know how to relax.

My boss actually brought me to the light after we cried together about me being so confused about my move.

She said "look on the bright side you can enjoy life, take up a hobby, sleep in, volunteer, go get tea with friends without having to look at a clock, walk on the beach, you can do something that has no purpose or end result etc" and then proceeded to hysterically laugh for about a minute. We are literally the same person and not being incredably busy and achieving results at something is foriegn to me and actually scary and unappealing. I literally do NOT know how to relax. I have either been working my butt off at school or work my entire life.

Now I know I will have things to keep me busy when I move and cant have a career but I am scared I am never going to learn how to relax.

I can remember one time in my entire life where I let myself relax. It was on my honeymoon and we literally had nothing planned (a first for me but that was my husbands only request) and I was laying there on the beach and not doing something else at the same time and had my mind calm and literally remember thinking "I think this is the first time I have ever relaxed". Since my honeymoon it hasnt happened.

I literally cant do something without doing something else. Everynight I watch TV and do office work until 10-11, I lay in bed at night and make mental lists, while my computer is being slow at work I start on another project, while I am in line at the grocery store I am sending work e mails on my blackberry, I even had to get a second computer screen at work because i felt I wasnt being productive enough and could cram more work into my time and felt toggling back and forth was too much of a waste.

so my question is has anyone else have this problem and overcome it? It isnt a bad problem, it has lead my to be very successful but honestly i dont want to become uptight and have a heart attack when I am 50.

so how do you type A personalities clear your mind, relax and become calm? HELP ME PLEASE!!

Oh sorry, I have the problem, but don't see a reason to solve it? I like it, I can school the boys, walk on the treadmill and knit at the same time (with some laundry and dishwasher hopefully going). Or cook, fb, laundry and do bills at the same time. I think my hubby's favorite is when he catches me eating in the bathroom - Gross you may say, but with 4 boys, some days that's the only way for me to get a whole meal! LOL!
I think my point is, you may not be the type to do NOTHING. If it causes you more stress than doing work, then why? Sitting to watch a movie.... just sitting - drives me batty!
Yes, you need down time, but don't assume your down time has to be like everyone elses. Mine is knitting while watching a movie, no brain work going on there. But I'm still doing SOMETHING.

Prolly not a whole lot of help, but at least you know your not the only one!

haha thank you Theresa!! you made me feel better. i guess i just dont want to go insane moving to a small town (portsmouth has 20,000 people) and not having any kids. It is my time to just relax and it would be nice to embrace it but honestly it does stress me out to think about relaxing lol maybe I am fine the way I am...

Maybe you could try yoga? I think thats supposed to help you relax your mind. Honestly I have no idea though because my mind is always going a million miles a minute.

jimmys wife and Theresa I wish I could be as productive as you two. It drives me nuts that I get tired and need to rest often. Can you send me some of your motivation

I'm an always-doing-something kind of girl. I have a schedule I follow every day, even if it's different stuff, and I keep busy. Even if "busy" is watching TV, and then I'm usually doing something else.

I have learned to slow down, though. Instead of text while in line, I let my mind relax and focus on other things. You could start with looking at your surroundings and see what you notice. What do you hear? How does the floor feel against your shoes? What do you feel? Smell? Etc. You're still doing SOMETHING but it's also nothing.

I went a year without working. At first, it was hard, but then I started filling my time with things. I also took my time. Instead of rushing through the grocery store, I could relax. Instead of rushing through a meal, I could take my time. I walked my dog, started on projects, ran errands, etc. You find stuff to do.

I was like Chamahash and when Ifirst moved to Hawaii and quit my crazy busy always on the go career... it was rough. I swore if I had to watch another daytime television show I was gonna go crazy! I gained tons and tons of weight right when I stopped working cuz I would just bake all day and plan these crazy dinners for DH (that would then go uneaten because they'd keep him later than expected at work! hah). I was MISERABLE for a long time without working and having something to constantly keep my mind busy. Finally I found a part time job to keep my sanity.

Now though, I'm back in CA and not working again during the deployment..... I LOVE IT. Granted, I've got my two kids, so it's not always just lay around and relax, but when DS 1 is at school and DS 2 is home taking a nap, I can finally just lay down and nap with him. It's refreshing! I go get coffee with my girlfriends during the day, I scrapbook, I clean the house, I spend lots of time on facebook, etc! lol I'm not always lazying around.... but I've learned to chill out and just enjoy the fact that I CAN right now. I NEVER used to drive the speed limit.. EVER. I just had too much to do, too many places to go. Now I just chill in the slow lane going exactly the speed limit and it's totally, totally fine!

You don't HAVE to sit around on the beach all day or anything crazy like that to relax, and expect that it iwll take you some time to slow your life down, but it will come.. in some form or another, it will come.

!!

You could start with looking at your surroundings and see what you notice. What do you hear? How does the floor feel against your shoes? What do you feel? Smell? Etc.

I also took my time. Instead of rushing through the grocery store, I could relax. Instead of rushing through a meal, I could take my time. I walked my dog, started on projects, ran errands, etc.

This!!! This is EXACTLY what I need to do!!

I just need to learn to take my time and not constantly be on a scedule making every moment I am awake "productive" time. I dont even eat without doing somthing else. I eat breakfast lunch and dinner while working.

You don't HAVE to sit around on the beach all day or anything crazy like that to relax, and expect that it iwll take you some time to slow your life down, but it will come.. in some form or another, it will come.

This is VERY encouraging!! Thank you!!

You don't HAVE to sit around on the beach all day or anything crazy like that to relax, and expect that it iwll take you some time to slow your life down, but it will come.. in some form or another, it will come.

I think Tinymiss hit the nail on the head!

Your definition of relaxing and mine and someone else's are all going to be different. For me to relax, I don't want to think about having to do dishes, laundry, walk the dog, anything. I like to sit there, watch the news and drink a cup of coffee or hot tea. Maybe you could pick up knitting, as Theresa had. You can sit there and do "nothing" but you're hands are still busy, so you feel like you're doing something. And, if you end up in NH/CT, homemade knit caps ("beanies") are the best!

IMO, I think it's going to come down to you finding a smaller hobby/task that you can do somewhat mindlessly that will keep your hands busy.

I make myself do it. I always believe that the only reason one doesn't have time to do something is because they don't make that time for it. I'm a type A just like you despite me being a SAHM now. I'm always doing something and going places. When I worked I travelled and sometimes would work 15 hour days or so. But, I learned that life goes on in this planet and at work whehter I'm in it or not so I would schedule a day off and just do something whether I go for a hike or a day at a spa. When I find myself thinking of work or what I need to do at home, I take a deep breath.

Relax? Whats that?!?!

I think what you should do is take the time and focus on yourself. It seems like your mind has been running a mile a minute your whole life. This will be the first time you can stop and BREATHE. I'm sure it will be totally odd and unusual, but you'll get used to it. There are a lot of things you can do to take up the day. Volunteering would be fun, hobbies, the whole nine Do something you've never done before. I'm sure you're going to find a lot of awesome traits about yourself that you never knew existed!

you're a type A personality I on the other hand, always relax. I can spend a whole day doing absolutely nothing since I have no kids and aren't working. Sometimes I get bored, but most of the time I think it will not always be like this so I better enjoy it now. You'll find that you'll start sleeping more. Once you have time to sit and do nothing, you'll be tired more. It's weird. You can go to lunch with girlfriends or lay at the pool and get a tan while reading a good book. Or get on cinchouse!

I would recommend yoga and also meditation (although I've never tried meditating lol). It's really hard for me to relax, especially in my head since I'm constantly thinking of stuff that needs to be done. DH got me a meditation cd but it's been sitting on the shelf for a year now lol. I recently checked out a library book on gardening to help chill me out too lol but the whole concept is way overwhelming for me.

What I did years ago when I quit my full-time job to go back to school was volunteer. It totally helped de-stress me. Just knowing that you're helping others is such a rewarding feeling, and sometimes that's what we need to learn to appreciate the little things we take for granted while we're busy with life and work.

I have that type of personality too. I think, as others have said, you can have a different type of relaxation than just "doing nothing." I get more relaxed when I'm *engaged* with something. I love dancing because it works my mind and body and is almost spiritual. There's also "active meditation," where you are walking or doing something like cleaning and meditating at the same time, as opposed to more "passive" types of meditation.

One type of "active" meditation you can do is, while you're walking, count the steps for one leg to 100, then count the steps on the other leg. For example: right step (1), leftstep rightstep (2), lefstep and then you switch legs. Kind of hard to explain over the internet, but it's another example of occupying both your body and mind.

But overall, I would not worry about worrying, if that makes sense? I need to take my own advice, ha.

I don't think i could do yoga for relaxation, i cant cope with the slow controled movements, i would be like,' hurry up! just put your hands up in the air and lets get on with the next move!' I'm just too hasty!

you all made me laugh but my form of relaxing is going to the grocery store and wandering the aisles or going to Ross and looking at every item they have to decorate a home. so i guess i do relax it just involves doing something

Em I think I would be the same way. I HATE slow people/things/activities seriously hurry up already!! lol

lol DH drives me insane when we're walking. I'm the shortest in my family and would always have to play "keep up" and walk fast. Well, now that's my habit is just to walk fast. Take the most direct, clearest path that's going to get me from Point A to Point B the quickest. DH will kinda shuffle along and have no real purpose.

Jimmy's Wife... I'm the same way. J says my phone/computer is always attached to me and I'm doing something. I've put 20,000 miles on MY truck and 10k on J's in less then 8 mths. I'm up at 4:45 am and not to bed till 11 and all day I'm on the move doing... There are days that it'll be 8:30 pm and I'll sit down and think "this is the first time I've sat all day." Beginning of the year I plan on taking over as KV for the company, starting school again and volunteering with LINKS again. J is always griping at me to slow down and just sit! He gripes because I'm working on school lessons (for the kids) or folding laundry or grading papers or making a to do list for the next day... while watching a movie. But I just can't not be doing something. It bothers me to sit still. I will literally be moving my legs or arms if I don't have something to do. It just bothers me. Lol

For me working out is relaxing. Pilates is great for me and I like yoga too.