My husband and I have been married since 2009.  We had a daughter in 2010.  He just told me that he doesn't want to be with me anymore and he wants a divorce.  I have tried my best to convince him to stay and work it out but he flat out refuses.  He is being deployed later this month.  He is an E-5 in the Navy.  So me and my daughter are getting dumped out at my moms while he leaves and keeps all the BAH stashed.  Are me and my daughter entitled to any of it to help us get on our feet?  I am a stay at home mom (or was a stay at home mom).  I quit college and my job to move 5 hours away with him and now I'm in a bind.  I have suspicion that he is cheating, and I may be able to get proof.  Will that help?

You need to file for Temporary Custody and Support through the courts. This will help you financially as well as any custody issues. There is usually free or low cost legal advice for each city/county. Do it ASAP because he is deploying. The divorce cannot be granted while on deployment usually so it will take awhile to go through depending on what state you are in as well. You can also speak to the Base Chaplain for some advice on what you can do as well and who to talk to. If it was just you then either the difference between BAH w/o and BAH w/ but as a child is involved you should get half.

Also file for food stamps for your area & WIC as it can help out too. Contact Military One Source for counseling as it is something you can need.

you are not entitled to anything as you are not the SM- the military will not make him pay anything unless or until there is a court order.

you need to file immediately for both a seperation agreement and temp custody - with a temp child support/alimony order.

The BAH he is getting is to take care of his family and support us. How are we not entitled to that support? If he isn't using it for what it is intended for, shouldn't I report him?

Actually it isn't necessarily that. As an E5 if he was single he would be eligible for BAH w/o dependents for HIS housing and utilities. As he has a family he is eligible for BAH w/dependents and the difference can be around $200 a month maybe less or maybe more depending on the area. If he has a residence there wherever he is and you are not living there then that is your choice so to speak.

You need to file for Temporary Custody of the child that way you are protected yourself. because without it he can take the child. You can then also file for Child support and separation support until the divorce is final. He would then be obligated by the court to pay you part of the BAH and part of his income. If you do not have that then he doesn't have to pay anything. When the divorce is final it will go back to BAH w/o dependents unless he has 50% custody of the child or has the child more than 90 days in a row then he would get BAH w/dependents.

If you have proof of adultery then all that will do if filed against him in the Navy is possibly get him reduced in Rate and loss of pay.

He won't have a residence. The lease for the apartment we are in now ends in about a week then he is going on deployment for about 10 months. So he won't have a residence. I plan on filing for custody when I get back home.

He tells me he will continue to support us until the divorce is final but after this betrayal, how can I trust anything he says? I want to make sure he takes care of our daughter the way he is supposed to.

You are going to have a hard time filing while he is deployed I can tell you that right now. So you might want to file immediately for the child custody and support, this way you are protected. He could come back at you and say you left the state without permission and so then that will cause even more problems. What is happening to your possessions when the lease ends? Are you putting them into storage? You do need to have a plan of action.

There is the chance that he is doing this because he is panicking before deployment. The pressure is on both at home and at work so he is having a reaction. I have to tell you often that is what happens, they are worried something will happen to them while they are gone so they figure if they push everyone they love away those people won't get hurt. They don't realize that pushing away is more hurtful.

I have been divorced twice, what they say and what they do are 2 completely totally diffrent things-

but without a Court order you cannot make him pay anything.
due to the SCRA he has full rights under the act to delay and and all legal proceeding for up to 3 months after he returns from deployment.
your best bet is to get to an attorney and get a court order for temp child support before he leaves, because once he leaves you have a snowballs chance in hell of getting any money for over a year

No I'm pretty sure he's doing it because he is cheating and wants to be with the other woman. He said I can have full custody and he won't contest it. I'm not sure if that matters or not when I file. I'm taking some of the possessions with me to my moms and we decided to put the rest in storage. Can he get into trouble for not using his BAH for what it is meant for? I'm on a tight schedule. I'm pretty sure I will not be able to speak to a lawyer until after he leaves.

I would do exactly as inkedgypsy says with her reasoning....esp if this all because of another woman. Your DH clearly isnt thinking straight and as of now he is acting like everything will be cool...then him and new wifey to be could possibly throw a wrentch in your plans. If anything, talk to legal aid now.

no he cannot get into trouble for not using the BAH- this falls under the same concept as a deployed spouse moving in with the parents and not paying rent and pocketing 1,000 or more a month.

unfortunately If your not able to file for custody and child support before he leaves you will have no legal recourse to collect while he is gone.

hopefully he will agree to send some money until he gets back, but plan on getting a job and paying for everything yourself.
Sorry

Can he get into trouble for not using his BAH for what it is meant for? I'm on a tight schedule. I'm pretty sure I will not be able to speak to a lawyer until after he leaves.

You need to stop fixating on the BAH and follow the advice that's been given. There is not an 'easy' solution - you cannot go to his command, make them pay his BAH to you and be financially okay. That is not the purpose of a housing allowance. You need to take the necessary legal steps, navigate all the added work due to him being deployed, and pursue this outside of the military. You're ending a marriage and a family, none of that means he has to automatically give you his housing allowance nor does it mean he can get in trouble for not. This is not a command issue, you need to take the steps to protect yourself.

Chances are he is going to try to delay the processing; because, then he can pocket the $250 family sep pay too.